My biggest pet peeve, is people who judge your parenting, or throw out their opinions when they are not solicited.
I'm learning this more and more with my son. While he has had no diagnosis because of the lack of being old enough or being in school, we are suspecting he may have a condition along the lines of autism or adhd.
He's entirely hyper active and loud. He stays up all hours of the night and sleeps all morning. He's specific on how things need to be, and does not do well with change. His feelings are hurt extremely easily, and sometimes he just has off days. He has no concern for authority and threats, he could care less if his TV is taken away, or if he can't go outside. Time out does not phase him. He can't concentrate on one task for more then a few minutes, and frequently changes his mind or has a meltdown when faced with a decision. His opinion is made known, he has no filter, and will interupt anything and anyone to state his own point...but don't ever interupt him or the meltdown will come.
At four, he's capable of getting dressed, putting on his own socks and shoes, getting a snack or a drink. Most of the time he does these with ease.
But then you have the days where he just refuses to cooperate and wants the extra help.
A request for him to put his shoes on, Then ends in the "I can't" reply. Granted I KNOW he can do them. And maybe I'm wrong. But I prefer to save my sanity and put the shoes on him, rather then to get into an hour debate over what he can an can't do himself, which throws our entire day off, and despite the threats, usually ends in my putting the shoes on anyways. I am his mother. I KNOW how he responds to these situations. I'm not baby-ing him. And I'm not giving him his way, I'm giving myself a stress break. Day in and day out I can only take so much of the repetitive requests, and telling him or showing him he can do it.
A request for a truck from TV for a gift, you would think he would be ecstatic to receive it. Only to find out that he opens it, and discovers the doors are not "openable", he has a meltdown. It's not because he's spoiled and wants more toys. It's because he can't process the change and the purpose. A truck has a door, the driver goes in the door and drives the truck. What is he to do with a truck that has no driver? Again he's particular. He's not ungrateful or greedy, he's expressing his feelings.
If he's given a gift, and he sees more, he's thinking they are for him, like the one he just received, and he will ask for more. Doesn't mean he likes his gifts any less, or that he is greedy. He's making assumptions. A simple explanation solves the situation.
A piece of cheese on a "cheeseburger" can ruin his appetite. What he ment was a hamburger, but his way of thinking tells him to say a cheeseburger without cheese. Which the server, cook or myself didn't understand, resulting in a cheeseburger, and he refuses to eat it. A cheeseburger with the cheese pulled off is not the same as one cooked without it. He will point out every last spec and trace of cheese. scolding him over not finishing his meal can end in a three alarm meltdown and scene for everyone. He's not hurting anyone else, and surely he's healthy enough without it.
He has his own opinions, and doesn't always realize right from wrong. He may call you fat, or say you look funny. He doesnt do it with the purpose of hurting feelings. He simply has no filter, and doesnt always know what's not so OK to say.
My point in being, is before assuming that he is babied, or saying that he can do it himself, or yelling at him for being himself, stating I can't handle my children or I'm in over my head or don't know what I'm doing, please remember one thing...
I know my son best. I know when to yell at him, or when to leave him be. I know the cause and effect results, I've been down these roads many times before, and I know the domino affect and I choose my battles with him.
